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How to raise your children to be compassionate and caring

Encourage them to give a helping hand

One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is the opportunity to help someone else. And we're not just talking in a warm-and-fuzzy "ought to" way. Studies show that volunteering makes a huge difference when it comes to your kid's friendships, self-confidence, behaviour development and academic abilities.

And raising your children to be compassionate isn't just good for them - it's good for the world. Here are some tips to help you nurture your kids to care and contribute.

1. Foster empathy: "How would you feel if...?" The question that's perfect for every occasion. Ask your child to put his self in someone else's shoes-happy or sad.

2. Early to rise: Set the alarm 20 minutes early to avoid the morning rush. With luck, you'll spend less time hustling your kid out the door and more time checking in with her about the day ahead. Connecting leads to caring.

3. Teach responsibility: Bring your kids on board to help with housework. Start small and slowly assign more advanced tasks until the recycling goes out on its own!

4. Not-so-random acts of kindness: Lead by example, and show your child that acts of caring are a part of everyday life - say hello to a stranger, pick up litter in the park or help an elderly neighbour with house work. Moments like these form strong shared memoriesbetween parent and child.

5. Talk about the headlines: When you're reading the paper, point out stories of interest to your children. Discuss the individuals you read about, and the difference they are making in the world.

6. Fill a pocket with love: Every now and then, add a note to your child's lunch box or slip it into his pocket to let him know all the reasons that he is loved. Knowing your unconditional love will give him confidence.

7. Will work for coin: If you give your kid an allowance, ask her to divide it into three: Save some. Spend some. Share/donate some.

8. Talk the talk: Identify local injustices and discuss how your family might respond. Consider what the community could be doing.

9. Practice gratitude: Help your child start a gratitude diary. Every day, get her to write down three things the make her happy.

10. Show respect: Let your child know each time he does something that has earned your respect. It's a confidence booster and an incentive for your child to make positive choices.

Article from Parentdish.co.uk

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Man flu is no myth say scientists, with 'manly' men more susceptible

Man flu may not be a myth after all, as scientist have found that men with high levels of testosterone have a hidden flaw - weak immune systems !

The discovery could explain why men are more susceptible than women to a whole range of bacterial, viral, fungal and parasitic infections, researchers said.

It may also be the reason why men's immune systems respond less strongly to vaccinations against influenza, yellow fever, measles and hepatitis, along with many other infectious diseases.

Those who take testosterone supplements in the quest to gain muscle meanwhile, could be making themselves more susceptible to illness.

“This is the first study to show an explicit correlation between testosterone levels, gene expression and immune responsiveness in humans,” said US lead scientist Professor Mark Davis, from Stanford University.

“It could be food for thought to all the testosterone-supplement takers out there.”

The researchers studied how the immune systems of 34 men and 53 women were stimulated by the flu vaccine.

The jab generated a bigger boost in protective antibodies in women, with further analysis revealing activity that, in high testosterone men, was associated with a weakened antibody response. Men with low testosterone were not affected the same way.

Testosterone's anti-inflammatory properties may explain why it can weaken the immune system, said scientists writing in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Prof Davies said the reason why testosterone weakens the immune system yet boosts muscle power and aggression, may be linked to the man's evolutionary role.

Men are more likely than women to suffer injuries from competitive encounters, as well as their traditional roles of hunting, defence and potentially dangerous physical work, Prof Davies said. The dampening down the immune system makes male less susceptible to a potentially fatal over-reaction to infections, especially those from wounds.

“Ask yourself which sex is more likely to clash violently with, and do grievous bodily harm to, others of their own sex,” Prof Davis added.

TOMAS JIVANDA The INDEPENDENT

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Coping with Christmas fall outs.

Coping with Christmas fall outs.

Christmas is supposed to be a happy time for families, but it can also prove to be a tricky time for lots of couples. In fact, figures from the Family Mediation helpline suggest around 1.8 million married couples consider splitting up over the Christmas period. And this doesn’t take into account the number of cohabiting partners who go their separate ways.

Lots of couples could do with a little relationship advice over the Christmas period, but just identifying the cause of festive tensions in advance can help you come up with ways to avoid arguments.

Follow these top tips from Couple Connection and ensure your relationship makes it through to January unscathed.

What goes wrong at Christmas?

High expectations for the Christmas period can put extra pressure on your relationship. Things will rarely be perfect and it’s important to accept there may be setbacks along the way.

The best way to avoid major arguments at Christmas is to recognise that bickering will happen. When you’re cooped up in one house with irritating in-laws, over-excitable children, enough alcohol to open an off-licence, and a Turkey that just won’t seem to cook, it’s almost inevitable that a few cross (or ill-judged) words will pass the lips of your nearest and dearest.

Of course it’s easy to take them to heart, especially when you’re trying your best to make Christmas perfect for the whole family. But try to move on from unnecessary remarks as quickly and calmly as you would at any other time of the year.

TOP TIP: It often helps to bear in mind that Christmas is just another day; better than some, worse than others.

But it’s not just your own expectations that could put pressure on Christmas. No doubt your partner, children and extended family will all have their own ideas about what makes the perfect day. It’s a good idea to manage everyone’s expectations by communicating plans in advance; that way it’s less likely there’ll be misunderstandings, hurt feelings or dashed hopes.

TOP TIP: Agree on how much to spend on presents and don’t break the budget. It’s important to show a united front if you can’t give the children everything they’ve asked for. Although it can be hard to say no, running into debt over Christmas will only lead to more worry and arguments when the January credit card statement hits the doormat.

Everyone has their own ideas about how things should be done at Christmas so, if you’re spending it with extended family, prepare to be flexible. If you feel like an in-law is interfering, try giving them a small task that will keep them occupied and make them feel useful.

TOP TIP: If you’ve got a full house and need a break from everyone getting under your feet, why not arrange for the in-laws to take the kids out for an afternoon? Whether it’s for a walk in the park or a trip to the pantomime, it’ll give you and your partner a chance for some much needed ‘couple time’.

This article was from the  OnePlusOne and the Couple Connection websites.

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Say Cheese! Or Kiwi! Or Selfie?? 2013's strangest baby names and 2014 baby name predictions

As any new parent knows, choosing a name for your baby can be fraught with challenges. When we were naming our first-born son I insisted on sticking with family tradition and calling him after his dad (me) in the same way I was after mine.

But my wife didn't exactly agree. "Over my dead body," were her exact words.

"But what's wrong with Keith?" I insisted.

"Keith Chegwin, Keith Harris & Orville, Keith from The Office. Little babies should not be called 'Keith'. End of!" she replied.

"But I was," I retorted.

"Yes, and look how you turned out."

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So in the end, we compromised and I was able to persuade my wife to stick with family names by calling our son after his grandfathers and two of his uncles: Thomas George.

We are nothing if not imaginative in our family! The next son was easier: we named him after my childhood dog – Sam.

This might sound a bit harsh, but I reasoned that my great-grandfather was called Sam and that was why we named our two family dogs Sam. Human Sam would be carrying on a tradition that stretched back more than 100 years. And this time, my wife bought it! (It could have been worse – my granddad's middle name was Maurice!).

Such discussions are the battleground for new parents up and down the country every hour of every day.

Do you fall in line and go for a name from the Most Popular lists that are published every year? (This year, for boys it's Oliver, Jack and Charlie; and for girls Olivia, Emily and Sophia).

Or do you find your inspiration from current affairs, celebrities, television and music?

If you've just had a baby or are having a baby in 2014, what names have struck a chord? After all, this is a big decision – one that will affect your child's life for all of their days.

Perhaps a trawl through the archive of baby names in 2103 might provide some inspiration - if not what to call your child, then certainly what not to call them!

If you thought Keith was bad some parents intent on being different have thrown out the most common baby names this year in favour of something a tad more, er, memorable.

The American website BabyCenter put together their list of the most common baby names of the year after surveying half a million parents and found that at least three parents had named their new babies Cheese, Egypt, Panda, Stetson, Hurricane and Tintin. And those are just a few of the stranger boys names.

The weird girl names include Archita, Blip, Fair, Green, Nyx, and Ezgi. While some seem random, others among the bizarre names have a familiar ring to them.

Wrigley, for instance, conjures images of the glory days of baseball in Chicago. Though it should be noted, it's on the girl list.

Ajax isn't just a bath and tile scrub but also a classical soldier's name. It's on the boy list.

In addition to Cheese, other food related names include Danish, Kiwi and Chow. Bears were also a popular inspiration. Included on the weird name list were Cub, Kodiak, and Panda (all boys).

So what are you going to call your little cherub? If you've given birth in the last few days, perhaps Nelson chimes? No doubt Mr Mandela will be remembered as one of history's greatest ever leaders, so perhaps some of that statesmanship will rub off on your offspring as they grow up.

Then, of course, there's George, after the newest heir to the throne. Or if you fancy something a bit cooler, how about 'Prince', or the young Royal's middle names, Alexander and Louis.

Dedicated followers of cultural fashion have found their inspiration from hit US TV showsBreaking Bad, Homeland and Game Of Thrones. There here has been a 70 per cent increase in Skyler, drug dealer Walter White's wife in Breaking Bad.

There has also been a 40 per cent rise in Brody, Homeland's renegade soldier, and a 183 per cent increase in Arya, Game Of Thrones' tomboy.

British drama Downton Abbey has also helped prompt double-digit increases for Violet, Elsie and Rose. And looking forward, fans might think Sherlock or Luther have a certain inquisitive appeal, and if not the characters, then how about the unusually-monikered men who play them: Benedict and Idris?

Sarah Barrett, managing editor for the BabyCenter, said: "Inspiration for your baby's name can come from anywhere, which is why a show like Breaking Bad, which has been hugely popular, has influenced naming choices this year."

Turning to babies of celebrities born in 2013, there have been a few notable doozeys (now there's a name!).

Katie Price added another to her brood of Harvey, Princess and Junior, with Jett Riviera. And Saturdays' star Frankie Sandford came up with the moniker Parker for her little 'un with footballer Wayne Bridge.

Pop couple Rochelle Wiseman and JLS's Marvin Hughes had Alaia-Mai. And who can forget Klay, born to Coleen and Wayne Rooney, or Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's new arrival North (as in North West. Yes, we get it)?

Britain's Got Talent judge Alesha Dixon virtually had her baby in secret, but then gave her a very look-at-me name with Azura Sienna. In January, Lily Allen/Cooper had Marnie Rose, a sibling for Ethel and William, the baby she lost in 2010.

Then there was model Caprice's dilemma: she had two babies in the space of a month, after both she and her surrogate mum gave birth. Now both are thriving with the names Jett and Jax.

But the prize for the most exotic monikers goes to Peaches Geldof's children, Astala Dylan Willow and Phaedra Bloom Forever. Try getting those on a business card!

If politics is your thing, then one name stands out above all others: Pleb. OK, not the sweetest name, granted, but one that is certain to court controversy whenever it is uttered, as Troy grandee Andrew Mitchell knows only too well after he was alleged to (and denied) have uttered it to a couple of policeman as he exited Down Street one evening.

One name that might signify that your child is going places is HS2 – the fast-rail proposal to link London to the North. Although it's a risky one as the plan might yet hit the buffers, sending your child off the tracks. Boom, boom.

Perhaps reality TV is your bag, in which case you might have a soft spot for X Factor's Tamera – or even Scewbo (real name, Sam!). Or how about I'm A Celebrity's pick of the bunch: Amy, Rebecca, Joey or, the winner, Kian?

The Apprentice usually throws up a couple of surprise names, and this year's winner Leah has a pleasing ring about it, though the runner-up Luisa might have more get-up-and-get-my-name-in-the-papers about it.

There have, of course, been certain words of the year – and the people who have put them into the pantheon. 'Miley Twerk' might appeal to some. As might 'Ylvis Fox' (of 'What does the fox say' fame).

But for the self-obsessed new mum or dad, there really can be only one name for your little precious: Selfie. Birth announcement Instagrammed via Twitter, of course. 

Baby Names: Which Are Most Popular? 

These are the most popular names among the 21,000 babies born in the UK this year:

The top 10 girls' names:

1. Olivia
2. Emily
3. Sophia
4. Lily
5. Isabella
6. Isabelle
7. Amelia
8. Isla
9. Sophie
10. Ava 

The top 10 boys' names: 

1. Oliver
2. Jack
3. Charlie
4. Harry
5. Oscar
6. Thomas
7. Jacob
8. Ethan
9. Noah
10. James 

AND THE ODDEST NAMES FROM THE U.S. BABY CENTER SURVEY

BOYS 

Ab 
Ajax 
Anibal
Apollo
Baobao 
Braulio 
Bright 
Cadence
Caige 
Cheese 
Chow 
Cub 
Daxx
Danish 
Dragos 
Egypt 
Enno 
Finch 
Holmes 
Hurricane
Ivory 
Jag 
Kashmere 
Kazz
Kodiak 
Lalo 
Legend
Leviathan
Lorcan 
Miggy 
Osbaldo 
Panda
Ripley
Rocket 
Stetson 
Thiago 
Thirdy 
Tintin
Trace
Yash 
Zion

AND ODDEST GIRLS

Amorette 
Archita 
Azza 
Blip 
Blue 
Chevy 
Creedence 
Delara 
Duda 
Elektra
Eternity
Ezgi
Fairy
Feline
Flower
Galya
Green
Harlowe
Huxley
Jurie
Justus
Kalliope
Kelby
Kinzly
Kiwi
Kukua
Lovelle
Loveena
Manda
Nyx
Oceana
Pippin
Sida
Trixie
Tulip
Viggo
Wrigley
Xaviera
Zabrina
Zelia
Zona

Article from www.parentdish.co.uk

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What to tell the children about your divorce or separation

What to tell the children about your divorce or separation

If you’re struggling with a family breakup, how do you keep your children in the loop? Looking at family breakups from the child’s point of view, find out what they need to know, what they don’t, and how you can still be a parent for them during this difficult time.

Being honest with your children

It’s really important talk to your children about what is happening with your relationship and you can be honest about with them. But they don’t necessarily need to know all the details about why your relationship has broken down but rather what is going to happen next. Younger children may be happy with fewer details but you can give older children more information if you feel it helps.

Let your children know that they can talk to you about their feelings. They may feel angry or sad, but it’s important that they know it is okay and normal for them to feel that way. Children need to know that you will still both be their parents and that you will always put their needs first and love them.

Keep to your normal family routines

Stick to your normal schedules as much as possible, such as mealtimes, bedtimes, and things they do after school. This can really help to make things feel more normal even if emotionally things are a bit up in the air. It helps to make sure that things which are important to your children such as school and friends are still a priority. Children are always affected by divorce and separation but as long as you ensure they have regular contact with you and your ex-partner it doesn’ t have to be negative.

Effect on children

Research shows that one of the things which affects children most when parents are separating is when there is conflict between you and your partner and when there is difficulty with your child seeing one of the parents. So it’s important to ensure both you and your ex-partner have regular contact with your children (unless there are issues around child protection). It’s also important that you don’t blame your partner for the break up of your relationship or put them down in front of the children.

Talking to older children about divorce

Once your child turns 14, it is more likely that they will have more of an opinion about what went wrong in your relationship, and are more likely to take sides. It is quite normal for your teen to go through mood swings and challenging behaviour but this isn’t all down to your divorce or separation but it just normal for their age. 

Your teen is likely to feel angry and unfortunately you may be on the receiving end of this. It’s important that they know that it is okay to be angry about this. Make sure that they understand that what has gone wrong in your relationship doesn’t have to happen in all relationships

For the full article from www.familylives.org.uk ,  including helpful videos,  please click on the link below

http://familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/your-children/what-to-tell-the-children-about-your-divorce-or-separation/

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The Flop? The Plank? Toddler Tantrum Techniques

Being a kid sucks. But kids don't keep that a secret. They let it out for all to hear.

If there's one thing children love, it's inconsistency. Whatever the rules were one week, you can guarantee they will change by the next. I hypothesise that it's an elaborate plot to keep us confused and in their power. And this applies to tantrums too. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that, so kids like to mix it up. But fret not! Having conducted extensive research over a period of years, I have managed to isolate the five main tantrum techniques. Read on, become informed and for God's sake, protect yourselves!


1. The Flop

The Flop is a multi-purpose technique, that can appear at any age and lasts right through toddlerhood. You know the routine. You're in the supermarket, and you have precisely one hour to get your shopping and get back for the school pick-up/medical appointment/whatever. This method works best if you have an inflexible commitment immediately afterwards.

All of a sudden, your child apparently has no bones in his body. You have a completely slack mass hanging off the end of your arm and man, toddlers are heavy. You have no choice but to start walking and drag him with you, in the hope that soon his feet will miraculously comply. And dudes, everyone judges dragging. Especially in the supermarket.

Child wins.


2. The Quiver

It's short and sweet, this one. You may see it in a older child in an extreme situation, but the Quiver is mostly reserved for the very small folk.

The world is confusing when you view it through a forest of adult legs. Ask any toddler. They will reply with, "don' know" or "Bucket" but what they really mean is, "True dat, bro."

Adults do inexplicable things. I mean, what's wrong with eating an apple that has fallen in a puddle? And why exactly can't you wear a colander on your head for bed? This. shit. makes no sense. At all.

But you know, sometimes the situation just doesn't merit a full-blown tantrum. It doesn't warrant a Flop. But even so, grown ups are getting above themselves all the time! A toddler can't let it slide just because they're feeling a little tired, or because the Smurfs is on.

So let's set the scene. You tell your toddler to take off the colander. You're using the sweet sing-songy voice, but it doesn't matter. Toddler yells, NO! You repeat. Toddler applies death grip to colander and shakes her head.

So you try again, because you're persistent, if a little misguided. This time you have progressed to the song-singy voice, which is similar to the sing-songy voice but with ominous overtones.

Boom! It's Quiver time! Toddler senses that you are not really catching on. So she keeps it simple. The hands release the colander. Are you winning? The hands clench into tiny fists of rage. Uh oh! Toddler opens her mouth and hell falls out. And hell sounds like growl-screaming. (You know, growl-screaming. Is there even a word for growl-screaming?) But that's not even it. Toddler somehow begins to vibrate. It starts with the arms, and rapidly spreads until it covers the entire body. Her hair is jiggling. She is probably red-faced, although purple has happened in the past.

It is loud and it is short, but it sure does let you know who's boss.

Hint: It isn't you.

Child wins.


3. The Plank

The plank is a useful technique which can be used either on the floor or in arms. We all know it. Your small child doesn't want to do whatever you need them to do. As if that is something new! But of course, you have all the power. You are big, and you can just take them where you want them to go, right?

Wrong.

The child engages the Joint-Lock mechanism. The arms go up, the legs stretch out, and suddenly you're holding some kind of slippery reptile. With no bendy bits, your toddler simply slides down the side of your body. And you can try and keep hold if you like. Swap them to the other arm, hoik them up higher. But resistance is futile! For you, anyway.

Child wins.


4. The Flounce

The Flounce is predominantly the realm of the older child, who thinks they have already reached teenagerdom. Required skills: eye rolling, sighing, throwing, door slamming. I'm sure you can tell that this is one of the more complex techniques.

There is one rule and one rule only to remember when parenting the older child; never contradict. Don't tell them they did something wrong and never ever ever disagree with something they've said. Or this will happen:

It commences with a sigh. Then, the child assumes the Teenage position. Shoulders hunched, arms slack, neck loose so head can loll. Next comes The Eye Roll. If you have trained your child well, they will now begin to comply with your instruction. But they are not happy about it. Stamping is optional, but preferable.

Now, it may seem like it's going OK. Yeah, they're not happy, but they're doing it. Parent wins? No. No no no no no. Unless you're not me, in which case you may be able to resist what I always do next.

I don't mean to. Acknowledge the action, ignore the attitude. That is the key. But next I find myself opening my mouth. I try to claw back the words before they are even spoken, but it's too late. I, dear readers, repeat the reason why what she did was wrong. And that is all it takes. The child searches for a toy, any toy, and turns it into an airborne missile. Hopefully it misses the other children. Then comes the climax of the Flounce. The exit. The door handle is grasped firmly, for nothing, as we all know, is worse than a Door Slam Fail.

Why didn't I just keep quiet? Why? I ask myself this question more times in a day than I care to remember. For now I have just prolonged the whole situation. What could have been resolved in a few short seconds becomes the Christmas episode of a soap opera.

Child wins.


5. The Swoon

The Swoon is another than works best if you are older. If you're small, it's all too easy to be distracted away from your position. And that would cause a loss of face, not to mention sleepless nights tinged with regret.

It is all about one thing: complete sensory detachment. Nothing says "I don't care what you say" than a well-timed Swoon.

Do you remember when you were a kid, and one of your parents refused a perfectly reasonable request? You were baffled, because you could not think of one single reason why it wasn't a good idea. It could have been cake for breakfast, a water fight in December, or any number of other things.

Now you're an adult, and it makes perfect sense. And now you repeat the cycle with your own kids.

Let me enlighten you. To achieve an optimal Swoon, all that is required is a supportive couch or bed. It's not essential, exactly, But what does a child achieve if tantrumming causes actual pain?

So, child makes request. Adult denies request.Child begs, pleads, whines, cajoles. Denied, denied, denied. How unreasonable! Child must teach adult a lesson. And the best way for an adult to learn, according to the children's research, is to simply make it impossible for them to communicate with you.

Child begins to walk towards the couch, slowly at first and then picking up speed. When he reaches the couch, he simply allows his body to slacken, and faceplants directly onto the cushions. And that is that. He will remain there for as long as he can stand the oxygen deprivation.

Maybe I'm an amateur at this. Maybe you can get your child to respond to you post-Swoon. If you can, please tell me HOW!

Child wins.

In conclusion, you lose. And if you remember that at every step of your parenting journey, you'll feel a lot better.

Article via www.parentdish.co.uk


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Brood Before Business ?

New research from Confused.com reveals dads are putting their careers on hold because of their children.

With news that Prince William will not be renewing his post at RAF Valley on Anglesey to spend more time with his family, leading insurance price comparison websiteConfused.com has found a trend of new dads also happily applying the brakes to their career. Yet, more than half (51%) of fathers could be putting their families at risk as they admitted to having no savings or life insurance in place.

While official employment statistics say men now make up nearly 10 per cent ofprimary care givers, new research from Confused.com has found that 86% of dads who choose to remain in employment lose their taste for climbing up the career ladder, in favour of spending time at home with their family.

Men living in the North East are most likely to apply the career brakes, with 91% saying they no longer regard getting ahead at work as a priority. By contrast a quarter (25%) of fathers in Northern Ireland who say they are still burning the midnight candle in the office, putting their career first. 

While ambition gets put on hold for most new fathers, 51% are potentially putting their families at financial risk by not having savings or life insurance in place. 

The research also revealed that Welsh fathers are the least likely to have life insurance with 60% admitting to having no life cover in place to protect their family in case the worst happens. Data from Confused.com says nearly a quarter of men (22%) said they put off getting life insurance because it isn't something they want to think about.*** When it came to savings, Northern Irish fathers were the least likely to have any in place.

As well as dialling down their career, the research also found pre-baby lifestyle habits fathers most commonly sacrifice include staying out late with friends, as 51% of men admitted to cutting down on this. Nearly half (49%) admit to spending less on gadgets and clothes and 43% have given up their Friday night drink with colleagues.

Yet one habit that remains a constant is social media. Nine in ten fathers revealed fatherhood has not infringed on time spent on the likes of Facebook and Twitter, which may be owing to a trend of sharing baby photos with friends online. 

Matt Lloyd, Head of Life Insurance at Confused.com said: 

"I know from experience that having a new family can give you a different perspective on life and encourage you to re-evaluate priorities. Life with young children is hectic and it's understandable that careers and decisions can get put on the back burner. However, the reality is that with no life insurance in place or financial savings, families are left with very little security should something unexpected happen, or indeed a parent dies.

Life insurance can be taken out for £3.50 a month**, a small price to pay for peace of mind that families will be protected if the worst was to happen."

Nationwide research of 1,587 fathers conducted by OnePoll  (6th Aug) 

**Price based on a non-smoking 25 year old male insured over 25 years for £70,000 of cover on a decreasing term policy, postcode CF10 1PZ. Prices correct on 16/08/2013

***2,000 British parents with at least one child aged 0 - 16 years-old (15th July 2013)

Article via www.dadzclub.com

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