Friday 31 October 2014

31 October 2014 - Things To Do Over The Weekend In and Around Oxfordshire

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Our top ten tips for a happier family life.

Top ten tips for a happier family

1. Balancing work and home life
It’s not easy balancing your work and home life, but how you manage it can make quite a difference to your relationship with your family. Having a balance between work and home – being able to work in a way which fits around family commitments and isn't restricted to the 9 to 5 – boosts self-esteem as you're not always worrying about neglecting your responsibilities in any area, making you feel more in control of your life. Your family will be happier to see more of you, and you'll have a life away from home.

2. Look after yourself
Parents often spend all their time looking after everyone else in the family and forget about themselves. If you don’t look after yourself, you can end up feeling miserable and resentful, and you won’t be able to give your children the support they need. Admit to yourself that you actually have feelings and needs of your own. It’s not selfish to treat yourself once in a while! It doesn't have to be expensive - but putting aside some time to do just what YOU want to do, even if it's only 10 minutes a day - is so important.

3. Discipline
Rather than thinking of discipline as a punishment, you should use it as a way of teaching your children how to meet their needs without hurting or offending anyone. While you may be angry, it can help to keep calm and teach your child how he or she could have handled the situation differently, and how he or she can go about it differently next time. This way is both more positive and more constructive.

4.Setting Boundaries

We often use boundaries to protect children from harm or danger. But it is important that you try to explain why boundaries are there, rather than issuing orders – for instance, if you pull them away from an open fire explain why. Children may be reluctant to follow instructions if parents command them. However, an explanation as to why the instructions are important will help your child understand, and therefore cooperate.

5. Communication

Communication is important – during both the good and the tough times. Children often find it hard to put their feelings into words and just knowing that their parents are listening can be enough. Talk about yourself – not just about your problems but about your daily life. If they feel included in the things you do they are more likely to see the value of including you in the things they do.

6. Quality Time

Try to organise some time together as a family a few times a week – perhaps three meals a week you could sit down to eat as a family. This will give you all a chance to connect and talk about the important issues, as well as the more fun topics. Ask your children to help you with the chores or to run errands. They may protest but they will feel included in your life rather than being an outsider.

7. Joint Decisions
With older children, it is normal for them to test the limits of boundaries to see what they can get away with. You may need to adapt boundaries as children grow into teens – it can even help to involve your child in the negotiation of new boundaries. Too many restrictions will be hard to keep on top of, so it is a good idea to work out which boundaries are really important to you, such as the ones for your children’s safety, and which boundaries are not worth fighting about. With fewer restrictions, your children will appreciate that the boundaries you do set are serious.

8. Comforting
It is important for a family to be there for each other through the hard times, as well as the good times. If there is a family tragedy, or a family member has a problem, pulling together can really help. Your children will need your help at this time, and it is important to be open and communicate with them. They will need reassurance and explanation, and will react differently depending on their ages. It can also help to talk to someone impartial.

9. Be flexible
More than anything, children just want to spend time with their parents. It can be lots of fun to make time for an impromptu game or an unscheduled trip to the park, as well as being something that you and your children will remember fondly. It’s good to have a routine, but it’s not the end of the world if it’s interrupted from time to time for spontaneous fun and games. For busy families, it can be useful to schedule in a few hours every now and then for a lazy afternoon together.

10. Spend quality time with your partner
It can be difficult to find time for you and your partner once you have children, but it is important to make time for each other. After all, children learn about relationships from their parents. Make sure you communicate with them frequently about all the day to day matters, as well as just things you enjoy talking about. Try to organise time that you can spend with each other, whether it’s going out for a meal, or just relaxing in front of the TV together.

This article is taken from Family Lives

Why children bully and what you can do if your child is bullying others.

If your child is a bully. Advice for parents

By Liat Hughes Joshi

Whether it's your son or daughter on the receiving end of bullying or they're the ones causing problems, understanding the reasons why children bully can help inform your next steps.

According to Sara Hassle, a Support Co-ordinator at the charity Family Lives, there are quite a few factors that can lead a child down this path, some more obvious than others.

"Bullying can occur if someone has low self-esteem, a fear of being excluded if they don't join in with a dominant peer group, does not fully understand how the person being bullied may feel or possibly is being bullied themselves, either by siblings or in other situations."

If your son or daughter is the bully, be reassured that their bullying does not make you a dreadful, failed parent. Suzie Hayman, of anti-bullying organisation BullyingUK, says: "Children of all backgrounds can become bullies and the reasons for this can be many and varied. Some may live within dysfunctional families but it's just as likely that others who display bullying traits live within families who love and care for them."

Suzie says though that whilst there are many reasons why bullies indulge in such behaviour, none of them are valid excuses, particularly given the significant effects felt by those on the receiving end.

What to do if you're the parent of a bully

If your child is bullying others, they're unlikely to tell you what they've been up to, either because they don't recognise that what they're doing is wrong, or they fear your response. Most parents in this situation will therefore only find out about what's happening via school and this can come as quite a shock.

Sara explains how this can be hard to take in: "Your first reaction might be disbelief that they face accusations of bullying. But before you dismiss the thought, listen to what the school has to say about it."

She adds that at the stage when you will have been called into school, normally the bullying will have been going on for a while. "Parents rarely complain to a school at the outset with bullying and there's usually been a history of unhappiness. It's best to take what the school says seriously and work with staff to achieve a solution."

Of course there are times when people are unjustly accused of bullying but a thorough investigation should reveal this.

If you suspect your son or daughter might be prone to involvement in bullying, you might find it beneficial to ask for a copy of the school bullying policy, so that you can go through it with your child. This will help them understand that such behaviour is likely to be taken seriously and will make them aware of the sanctions they might face if they continue.

What happens next: typical consequences of bullying in schools

The approach schools take will depend on the age of the children concerned and the severity of the bullying, plus how long it has been going on for.

With younger ones, primary schools might start off with warnings and explaining how bullying makes the target feel. There might be the loss of play time, privileges or involvement in special activities.

With older, secondary school pupils, sanctions could include a warning, detention, temporary or permanent exclusion. A violent or especially severe one-off incident could be grounds for immediate expulsion.

In certain circumstances, for children over the age of criminal responsibility (which is 10), bullying is against the law and the police might be called in if any of the following are involved:

violence or assault
theft
repeated harassment or intimidation, eg, name calling, threats and abusive phone calls, emails or text messages
hate crimes.

They might not receive the same level of sympathy but children who are accused of bullying do need help as much as their targets, since there are often underlying reasons that need addressing. Speak to their teachers in the first instance to try and understand what could be behind their behaviour if you can't spot any obvious causes.

One of the worst things parents can do is ignore the situation and hope it will go away – it probably won't and it's important to tackle things given how serious the consequences for both bully and bullied can be.

BullyingUK provides support via email, online chat or a free confidential helpline.

This article is taken from Parentdish

Drink alcohol and eat meat to improve male fertility - but cut down on coffee, studies suggest

By contrast, drinking coffee and other caffeinated beverages makes men less likely to conceive with their partner,researchers found.

And another study showed that eating meat increases sperm density, compared to consuming a vegetarian or vegan diet.

Researchers presenting at the 70th Annual Meeting of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine in Honolulu, Hawaii, revealed the impact of various lifestyle factors on men's ability to conceive.

A group from the University of Rochester Medical Center in Rochester, New York, studied 753 men undergoing fertility treatment between 2003 and 2011, asking them about their drinking and smoking habits, as well as their sexual health and satisfaction. The average age of the men was 35.

Almost three-quarters (73 per cent) of those surveyed drank alcohol, while only 16 per cent used tobacco. The results showed that drinkers reported better sexual function than teetotallers, while those who didn’t drink alcohol were more likely to report deficiencies in their erections and ability to complete intercourse.

This article is taken from The Independent

Things I Wish My Father Had Taught Me About Being a Man

by Tim Lineaweaver

“Laugh, deeply, from your gut, at the absurdity of the world and at your own imperfections.”

____

There have been times in my life when the question of manhood has been a great muddle. It’s true that my father missed the mark of a healthy male role model by a canyon-wide distance. He was a gun-toting alcoholic, who philandered, verbally and physically abused his sons and dishonored his wife.

As a boy striving desperately to become a man, I looked outside our house for examples of manhood. Given my own limitations, most of my searching was in the wrong places; locker rooms, barrooms and hockey rinks.

It wasn’t that these places never contained worthy men: it was more that my narrow definition of what it meant to be a man was wrong-headed: a man is physically strong, athletic, a fighter—tough who can also hold his liquor/drugs and of course can conquer women sexually. I held these false ideals from my adolescence into my twenties and did not consider other qualities as “manly”.

♦◊♦

As I approached my thirties, my boyish notions of manhood started to collapse.

Divorce, addiction and my own fledgling ineptitude as a father necessitated the authorship of a new multi-dimensional idea of being a man.

Alcohol and drugs had depleted my financial, emotional and spiritual resources. I was no longer an athlete, had a gut even. I was ashamed of how I treated women and felt like failure in most aspects of my life. One dimensional, purely sexual relationships left me guilty, sad and empty. I was unloved and was afraid to love others.

On the heels of my divorce and as I began to get clean from my addictions, I entered therapy. It was in that place, with a strong woman, that I began to rid myself of the old paradigm of manhood. There, I learned about emotional/mental toughness and integrity. There, I learned about love in the broadest sense of the word.

♦◊♦

I learned the lessons I wished my father has taught me:

Don’t be emotionally stilted. Talk about your fears, your scars and your sadness. Don’t denigrate others for doing so.

Value your inner strength, not your muscularity. The muscle between your ears will determine much more than the bulge in your arms. How you deal with adversity, failure and defeat defines you much more than how many pounds you can heft or how fast you can throw a baseball. These things are fine, but should not be idolized.

Know that respect and fear are two very different things. A man lives to be respected and loved.

Care about your family, your community and the larger world around you. Leave things better than you found them. Know that there is more to life than personal gain.

It’s ok to defend yourself and those you love. Don’t look for conflict but defend yourself, your family and those unable to fend for themselves.

If you’re lucky enough to become a father, involve yourself in all aspects of raising your children. Change a diaper, make a meal and clean up. Provide financially yes, but also nourish your children with love, discipline and structure.

Strive to learn no matter your age. Know that you will never come close to knowing it all.

Take care of your body, no matter your age. If you don’t use it, you can lose it.

Don’t need hit your children. Your authority comes from how you carry yourself. When you need to discipline your children, step up and devise a thoughtful and intelligent way to do it. Your children will respect you, trust you and follow your lead because they know it is in their best interest to do so.

Laugh, deeply, from your gut, at the absurdity of the world and at your own imperfections.

Don’t be afraid to be different. Don’t go along just to get along. Have your own vision of things even if it doesn’t fit the conventional wisdom in the room.

Admit when you’re wrong and apologize when being wrong has hurt others. Have a a moral center that guides you. When you stray from it, take responsibility.

Be loyal . Don’t abandon your friends during adversity. Know that adversity visits us all sooner or later and that friends sustain us through it.

Mentor others with patience, respect and good will. The success of those you’ll mentor is deeply rewarding. Remember and give credit to those who have taught you. This is how the world progresses. We do not exist in a vacuum and nobody succeeds without the help of others.

Your word is your bond. Do what you say you’ll do. If there is an obstacle to that, take full ownership for not getting it done. Be accountable.

Love your partners, in the fullest sense of the word. This entails respecting them, being honest with them, appreciating them and existing with them as full partners, themselves. Don’t be afraid of love, don’t denigrate, hit, or abuse those you love. Remember that real love is about more than sex.

Above all, love yourself. Self-love helps you to love and take care of others. The value of your life is in loving others and being loved in return.

♦◊♦

Also by Tim: A Long-Cast Shadow: The Son Laments, A Father Learns,

The Therapist I Met on My Way Up From the Bottom

This article is taken from The Good Men Project

Bob the Builder: buffed up or overly renovated?

Fans of the beloved children’s star have been upset by a makeover that leaves him younger, taller, slimmer and hipper.

Fans of children’s cartoon series Bob the Builder are up in arms about a makeover that has left the portly construction worker younger, taller, slimmer and hipper. Channel 5’s Milkshake is to air a new series of the show that is made with computer-generated rather than stop-frame animation – and many fans have taken to Twitter to express their dismay.

Ffs what have they done to Bob The Builder? No one is gonna watch it now that's the worst makeover ever

— Danny Farrell (@FarrellMCMXCV) October 13, 2014

They've broken Bob the builder! The new one is rubbish. Can they fix it?

— Maria McAveety (@MariaMcAveety) October 12, 2014

New Bob the Builder looks like he drinks Carling and votes UKIP

— Steven Ecott (@stevenecottOMG) October 13, 2014

love how Twitter is having an uprising bc Bob the builder has had a makeover

— Em (@EmCutmore) October 12, 2014

Our Zoo actor Lee Ingleby is to take over as the voice of Bob, taking over from Neil Morrissey, while Downton Abbey star Joanne Froggatt will play Mary. Bob’s home has moved from the village of Fixham to the more bustly Spring City, where he will sport a new high-vis vest. Monkey hopes he will still talk to his tool belt.

This article is taken from The Guardian

10 alternative parenting strategies (for the desperate and sleep-deprived)

You're doing parenting all wrong: 10 alternative tongue-in-cheek techniques

Remember when you thought skim reading a guide-book and watching a few episodes ofSupernanny would be all the grounding you'd need for a lifetime of stress-free parenting?

Remember when you believed all those parenting techniques you'd heard about would actually work – and that merely uttering the words 'naughty step' would be enough to silence your unruly toddler into meek submission?

Remember when you then had a baby and it all went tits up?

Because being consistent and talking calmly only really works when you're not functioning on three hours' sleep a night – and 'time out' only really works when your toddler doesn't think it's a hilarious new game or a great opportunity to formulate an evil new tantrumming technique – we decided it was about time these unrealistic strategies were given an overhaul.

Here are our top 10 alternative techniques for parenting in the real world...

1. Time out: Next time your child is having an uncontrollable tantrum, take him to the nearest newsagent's, purchase a Cadbury Time Out bar and hand it to him.

2. Reasoning: Explain to your child the reason you have locked yourself in the bathroom with a bottle of Rioja is because quite frankly you have had enough, and that is the only room in the house with a lock on it.

3. Consistency: When exercising points one and two, make sure it is always a Time Out bar and always Rioja. Don't just suddenly throw Mars Bars and Merlot into the mix willy-nilly, as this will throw your child into abject confusion.

4. Controlled crying: Give your baby a cuddle, put him in his cot, walk out of the room, find a corner of the house as far away as possible, and cry. Sob your goddamn heart out.

5. Realistic expectations: Expect the worst. And be prepared that you will still be disappointed.

6. Establish routines: Get the babysitter to arrive at exactly the same time every night – five minutes before the 'witching hour' so she has time to take her coat off and make a quick cuppa before the real fun begins. Leave the house immediately on her arrival.

7. A positive mindset: Remind yourself this won't last forever – legally, you can insist they move out at 16.

8. Distraction: Mid-tantrum, tell them they can watch Frozen. While they're engrossed, enjoy a 108-minute nap.

9. Remain calm at all times: Employ a full-time nanny.

10. Once the issue is dealt with, move on: Pack your bags as fast as you can and move on. Start a new life. Go. Quick. Oh, and don't forget your passport (it's probably buried at the bottom of their toy box with a felt-tip beard scrawled on your picture).

This article is taken from Parentdish.co.uk

We think this news story will be of interest to our visitors. However, please note it is from another source and does not necessarily represent the views of Oxondads. If you would like to comment on this article please click on the "No Comments" below or alternatively E-Mail info@oxondads.co.uk

Monday 20 October 2014

Movember Is Almost Here - Get Involved !

THE MOVEMBER FOUNDATION

The leading global organisation committed to changing the face of men’s health.

Get involved be clicking on the link below.....

CLICK !!!!

Saturday 11 October 2014

11 October 2014 - Things To Do Over The Weekend In and Around Oxfordshire

To find out what is on over the weekend via "Daily Info, Oxford" please click HERE

To find out what is on over the weekend via "Oxford Mail " please click HERE

To find out what is on over the weekend via "Jack FM" please click HERE

Is it a struggle to get your teen to do their homework?

Teenagers and homework

"Getting them to settle down to homework seems to be a bit of an uphill struggle. And as for the maths and science - I couldn’t even help them out!"

Homework can sometimes feel as daunting for parents as it is for children. Parents can worry when their children put homework off until the last minute or even avoid doing it all together, which can lead to conflicts at home. On the other hand, parents might also be daunted by the thought of not understanding their children’s homework if called upon to lend a hand.

We asked some parents how they cope with the pressures created by homework, and here’s what they told us:

Coping with homework

Give children a chance to talk about their school work - when you ask them about your day, check in to see what they've been learning. Even if you know nothing about a particular subject, you can still help by listening and helping them find their own answers. If you do not understand the work they have been given, look it up - use the internet or ask friends and family to have a look. Once you have an understanding of the work, you may be better placed to support your child.

Help your children take responsibility for organising and doing their homework. Never forget to praise your child for the work they put in. Many schools have a homework diary, or daybook for parents to sign each day. This helps you and your child keep track of homework.

Creating the right environment for homework

Some children prefer to do homework straight after school whereas others prefer to relax a bit first. Let your child find a routine that suits them, and encourage them to stick to it.. It's important to create a suitable place where they can do homework, ideally somewhere with a clear work surface, good lighting and no interruptions. If they prefer to work with music on, let them.

If you don't have the space in your home, or need somewhere to access the internet, try a local library or homework club. It’s worth noting that, while there are lots of great online resources to help with homework, your child should be doing their own work and learning for themselves.

Help from the school

Find out what facilities your child's school offers. Many schools have lunchtime clubs specifically for children who struggle to work at home or need support to help them complete the work. Many schools have also introduced homework that can be completed online, which may suit your child better. If you are struggling, speak to the school and get some advice sooner rather than later so they can help. If you do not have internet access for online homework, you can visit your local library.

If your child has specific learning needs, you can make an appointment with the teacher and SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) to ensure these needs are met when homework is set. Your child is entitled to reasonable adjustments, which may include additional resources, and alternative methods for completing homework.

This article is taken from Family Lives

We think this news story will be of interest to our visitors. However, please note it is from another source and does not necessarily represent the views of Oxondads. If you would like to comment on this article please click on the "No Comments" below or alternatively E-Mail info@oxondads.co.uk