How to deal with a defiant child

Great. Your child has just pulled a tantrum and the family reunion starts in 20 minutes. Or it’s time to leave for dance class and she’s in jeans, reading a book in her room.

Children from ages five to 10 will sometimes dig in their heels and refuse to attend their after-school activities or family commitments. So what’s with the attitude?

Find The Reason

“It’s not just about the child being defiant for the sake of being defiant,” says Sara Dimerman, a Toronto-based child and family therapist and the author of Am I a Normal Parent? “usually for children of this age, there’s something going on.”

It could be that she’s worried about being bored at Aunt Mabel’s house. Or perhaps she has an illogical fear — that she’ll have to swim in the deep end after just a few swim classes, for example. The problem could also be something more serious — such as a cousin who bullies her when the grown-ups’ backs are turned.

Ask your child what’s up. After discussing his concerns, you may decide together that he’ll drop out of basketball at the end of the season. Or maybe he simply needs to hear that while Grandma’s nursing home may be smelly and dull, visiting her is important. It might not be the answer he wanted, but at least he’ll feel listened to.

Make a plan

Sometimes, all children really need is a heads-up from you to psych themselves up for an outing. “Children are aware of their rights,” says Dimerman. Your daughter may object to attending your workplace fundraiser, but mentioning it to her a day or two in advance gives her time to anticipate and talk through any concerns she may have. Wouldn’t you rather figure out some coping strategies — such as bringing along a friend — before the car’s already running in the driveway?

Getting Through It

So you forgot to write down that dinner party at the neighbours’ house on the family calendar and, suddenly, it’s time to go — only your child is saying no (and looks on the verge of kicking and screaming).

Your best bet here is to be firm but sympathetic. Tell him you’re all going together and you’re sorry you didn’t realize the party was at the same time as the big hockey game on TV. Promise that you will talk about it later, and then follow through with a chat before bed that night, or the following day.

As you corral him out the door, you may feel deeply annoyed. But take comfort that a little defiance is a good thing. “It’s healthy and natural for a child to assert himself,” says Dimerman. “It’s better that than someone who’s blindly obedient."

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A new digital guide is launched to help would-be adopters

First4Adoption has launched a ground-breaking new digital guide to who can apply to adopt a child in England. For the first time ever, this unique interactive Q&A will help would-be adopters to find out for themselves if they meet the criteria to apply to adopt a child, and to bust some of the myths about who can adopt. It will enable prospective adopters to start the first stage of the new two-stage adoption process, which was launched by the government via First4Adoption earlier this month.

The interactive Q&A is one of a series being developed by First4Adoption, which will be published on its website over the coming months to support would-be adopters through stage one of the new two-stage adoption process. It covers: marital status; ethnicity; home ownership; UK residency; criminal convictions; disabilities; health and wellbeing; fertility treatment; existing children in the family; smoking; mental health issues; income; and pets. As well as helping prospective adopters find out whether they are suitable to apply to adopt, the interactive guide raises some of the issues that adoption agencies may want to discuss later in the process.  

Further interactive Q&As are expected to cover: understanding the joys and challenges of adoption; and the types of children that are available for adoption.

The interactive Q&As could provide a record for prospective adopters to show their adoption agencies that they have completed the first stage of the two-part adoption process.

Gemma Gordon-Johnson, Head of Service at First4Adoption, said: “We are delighted to be launching our new digital guide to help would-be adopters on their journey to discovering if adoption is right for them. We hope that this encourages more people to come forward to offer a loving home to one of the 4,600 children currently waiting to be adopted in England.”

If you are interested in finding out more about adopting a child in England visit the website below

first4adoption

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Teenagers tell Family Lives the best and worst things about being a teenager

Family Lives survey also reveals teenagers’ greatest fears and their advice for parents

At Family Lives we wanted to find out what teens really think about life, school and everything else in between, so we ran a survey to find out. The results are fascinating and really show us what teens care and worry about the most.

Family is the most important thing for teenagers

Despite the strains of being a teenager, family is by far the most important thing in a teen’s life. Out of 235 teens (aged 13-19) surveyed, 141 chose familyamong the three most important things in their lives. This was closely followed by friends (126) and school(41). Some teens, however, had different things on their minds when they answered the survey, with phones, food, and pets also featuring in the top ten answers.

The importance of family also played into teens’ greatest fears, with the most common fears being around the idea of losing loved ones. Many also had concerns about being abandoned or left alone, highlighting again the importance of friends and family. Other common answers showed that lots of teens felt anxiety about the reality of their eventual death, or that failure and an unsuccessful future were a real cause for concern.

We also asked teens what they felt were the best and worst things about being a teenager in today’s world. The most popular answers for the best thing about being a teenager were around the idea of enjoying the freedom of youth and the lack of responsibility it carries. Teens seemed to be very aware that this period of their lives won’t last forever and they are enjoying this golden period between childhood and adulthood, where they can have lots of fun with their friends without yet having to worry about financial pressures. 

When asked the worst thing about being a teenager, 43 teens told us they felt judged and pressurised by society. Many teens talked about the difficulties of being stereotyped and undervalued. When asked what they thought was the worst thing about being a teenager, one 15-year-old girl said:

“That I sometimes don't get taken seriously and get treated like a child. However, I think I have an understanding that is similar to most adults. I also think that I shouldn’t have to be an adult to make a change.”

Interestingly, where so many had told us they enjoyed the lack of responsibility of being a teenager, another 36 teens found that the worst aspect of being a teenager was the lack of freedom to make their own choices. Only 20 picked school and exams as the worst thing about being a teenager, with stress, hormones and puberty all falling even lower down the list. The things we might think of as the ‘traditional’ troubles of the teenage years might seem to have been superseded by a more existential angst, as teens strive to forge an identity that goes against the stereotype. 

To read this article further please click on the link below - 

http://familylives.org.uk/about/news-blogs-and-reports/blog/teenagers-tell-family-lives-the-best-and-worst-things-about-being-a-teenager/

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How To Spot Common Childhood Diseases

Read journalist James Armstrong’s article on spotting the signs and actions to take when dealing with common childhood diseases.

Children are vulnerable to some specific diseases which parents need to be aware of. This article describes a few of the conditions that children are susceptible to, the symptoms to look out for and the action to take if you notice them.

Chickenpox

This extremely common and very well-known disease is caused by a viral infection. Chickenpox is not usually a dangerous illness, although it is highly contagious. 

Many people view the disease as a nuisance than a real threat to their child’s health. This is generally true, although in some cases complications or secondary infections need medical attention. A rough rule of thumb is that the earlier a child is infected with the virus, the milder the disease will be. 

In the rare cases where adults who were never exposed as children have been infected, chickenpox has proven to be a painful and distressing illness, whereas most children will shrug off the condition with comparative ease.

Symptoms

The classic symptom of chickenpox is a red rash of blisters covering the entire body. Before this rash appears your child may display mild flu-like symptoms or a slight fever.

It is possible for children to have very few spots, or not to develop a rash at all after exhibiting earlier symptoms. But most children will develop hundreds of spots, usually starting on the scalp or abdomen before spreading rapidly.

The rash will be itchy, but otherwise most children will not feel ill.

To read the article in full please click the link below -

http://www.dadzclub.com/articles/kids/childhood-diseases.ashx

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My Child's Development - The First Three Months

My Child's Development - The First Three Months

Not much time for playing??

While it is fair to say that baby is unlikely to learn the rules of rugby at this stage, there is loads of play to be done...as much for your good as baby’s sometimes.

You will bond with baby if you feel you have a role in his/her life and especially if Mum is breastfeeding or if you do not live with Mum and baby, you may feel quite pushed out. Sometimes helpful relatives and friendly neighbours get to hold your baby more than you do, Dad, so you may need to reclaim your place to teach your baby to play. Tired Mummies can be transformed into real people again by seeing that Dad knows what to do with baby and has important things to do with baby which she can trust to him whilst she takes a nap!!!

Babies work from instinct at this stage. In other words, they are driven by urges that revolve around survival. Most of their behaviour is centred around ensuring that they are fed, fed enough, kept clean and get the chance to sleep...oh yes and feed some more.

It is your job to undertake these tasks whilst adding something else to baby....an appreciation of things which do not purely cause survival...touch and voice and movement, nurture which is not functional. In other words early play.

Babies at this age are ready to be sociable. They are trying to tell us adults that they want to play. How? To start with, they are more interested in voice with tones than monotone and they are keen to track objects visually even while their eye sight is still developing.

Some ideas for games

• Copy time: Give your baby things s/he can copy you doing (e.g. Stick out your tongue). Give him/her at least 30 seconds to copy as they will process things slowly at this stage.
• Mirroring: copy your baby’s facial expressions but exaggerate them for his/her benefit.
• Touching: make sure your baby regularly knows your touch on his hands, face and whole self as it communicates love and value to her/him and that is the starting place for feeling able to play. Rubbing feet and hands or massaging baby can relax or stimulate him/her.
• Voice: Singing and talking in a sing-song voice to babies is not just instinctive to parents...it is fabulous for your baby’s development. Your baby will know your voice within a week if your contact with her/him is daily for a few hours, but it will take longer if it less consistent.
• Light Seeking: baby can tell the difference between light and dark from birth and are often attracted to light. Walking in and out of different shades or colours of light will be interesting to baby.

Always limit interaction to a few minutes at most as baby tires easily at this age, little and often are best. Remember that his/her line of vision is very limited at birth and increases gradually. In the first twelve weeks you will need to be within 30cm of baby’s eyes to be full in focus.

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Young fathers worst hit by changes in family law

Thursday September 19, 2013 at 9:00am

The impact of the removal of Legal Aid in most family law cases – notably divorce – is having far-reaching consequences, as we have regularly discussed in this blog. However, what is emerging is just how much it is affecting young parents and, particularly, young dads struggling to get the right advice to steer them towards a workable, long term solution to their relationship troubles, and most importantly their relationship with their children.

Unless young parents have good family and friend support networks it can be difficult to obtain objective advice about relationship breakdown without easy access to free or affordable legal services. Separating parenting from a relationship is very difficult and the result is young people often ‘boomerang’ in and out of relationships that are destructive as they attempt to maintain contact with children. No relationship can often equate to no contact and the claim from a partner: “If you don’t love me, you don’t love our baby.” In some ways, this is understandable from a vulnerable mum who may want to cling on to the relationship or protect herself from emotional hurt by stopping contact yet all it achieves is a destructive “on-off” arrangement for everyone, especially the children.

To read the full Blog Article by Kathryn McTaggart, Family Solicitor  please click on the link below.

http://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/2013/09/young-fathers-worst-hit-by-changes-in-family-law/

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Participants required for Bereavement Counselling Research

Fathers Who Have Lost A Baby Research Participants Wanted The University of Roehampton is researching the experience of grief and counselling for fathers who have lost a baby due to late miscarriage, stillbirth or early neonatal loss and who sought support for their bereavement in the form of group, individual or couples counselling (even if they didn't continue with it).  You would be contributing to very important research to improve understanding of how fathers can best be supported in such profound loss. It is anticipated that 6-8 dads will be interviewed.  The researcher, Hannah Humphry-Baker, is happy to travel to meet each father at a time and place that works well for him.  A private one-on-one conversation lasting between one and two hours will follow.   All information will be kept anonymous and confidential in the write-up of this study under the procedures of the University of Roehampton's Ethics Committee. If you are willing to contribute to this study or would like to know more about the research please contact Hannah in confidence. Hannah Humphry-Baker Department of Psychology University of Roehampton Email: humphryh@roehampton.ac.uk Telephone: 07968287893

The Fatherhood Institute, Unit 1 Warren Courtyard, Savernake, Marlborough, Wiltshire SN8 3UU Phone 0845 6341328    Registered charity number 1075104  Company number 3709549

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